Resurrection Page 12

  “You were unfaithful whilst we were still together. I know you were. I saw, heard… all those little children running around, they looked just like you. And all the while my own babies lay buried in our church yard.”

  “I know that, and I’m sorry, for what it’s worth now.” He stopped and swore under his breath, a string of curses as obscene as anything she had ever heard from him.

  "You are angry?"

  "I am, but not with you. Except, perhaps, I wish you had told me something of how you felt."

  "I could not."

  "Couldn't?"

  "I did not dare. I was afraid of you, of what you might do if I displeased you further."

  "You never displeased me, Janey. And you're still afraid of me."

  "I am not afraid."

  "Shall we not go through all that again? You know I will have the truth, one way or another."

  "Very well. You do frighten me, but surely you cannot be surprised at that. And as for before, I was a barren wife. And you preferred other women, strumpets and harlots."

  "We had no children, but I never doubted that they would have come. Eventually. As to the rest, I was a man of my time though I suppose that's a poor excuse. I never intended to be a neglectful husband, and I genuinely wanted to spare you my baser instincts." He paused, leaned back to catch and hold her gaze once more. "Holy fuck, you knew, didn't you?"

  "Knew what, my lord?"

  "I'm trying to be patient, but the next time you use that title I swear I'll spank you. You knew about my... preferences. In the bedchamber."

  "Please, my lor—Ged. I do not wish to speak of this." She was crying, whether in grief or utter humiliation she was uncertain.

  "Then don't. But I shall have the information I want from you." He cradled her face between his palms again and tilted up her chin. He smiled at her as he smoothed away her tears with his thumbs. She met his gaze, and was lost.

  *****

  Several minutes later Ged helped her back into the car and the vibrations from within the bowels of the machine soon started up again. Her husband did not put the carriage back into motion, however. Instead he turned to face her.

  Jane felt ragged, her head ached from Ged having rifled through her innermost thoughts. She had been aware of his scrutiny, knew exactly what knowledge and secrets her husband had drawn from her memories, and had experienced her emotional reactions to those recollections. He had invaded her privacy and she had been helpless to resist him. She should be angry, but in truth she was too exhausted to achieve that level of passion.

  "I don't remember Betsy."

  "But you must. She was there, in your chamber. You had tied her to your bed."

  He grinned. “Ah, now that I don't doubt. It was my usual way and I had no shortage of willing partners. Betsy was one of many. Over the years I have forgotten her. Perhaps that's to my shame, but it's the truth. You, though, you were different. I never forgot you, Janey."

  "I was your wife."

  "Exactly. Were you really intending to ask me to fuck your arse?"

  The flush started somewhere down by her chest and crept inexorably up to consume her face. Jane was mortified. Never had she been so outraged, nor so embarrassed. But she could not lie to him.

  She nodded. "I was distraught, bewildered. I thought, perhaps—"

  He laid two fingers over her mouth to halt the flow of words. "Not now, not immediately. But soon. If it’s still your wish you shall have what you want and more besides. More than you could ever imagine. So will I. But first, I prescribe another healthy dose of the twenty-first century. Shall we go?"

  Again, Jane nodded. Ged turned back to face the front and the car purred into motion.

  "I have one more question, if I may, Ged."

  "Go ahead."

  "Did you mean it? That you would spank me? I recall that other time, the first time we… the Duke of Norfolk…”

  “Ah, yes. I remember that perfectly well, and yes, I would do it again.”

  “And, yesterday… I was so scared of you. I thought you were going to… to…”

  "I was an absolute bastard to you when you first arrived. I jumped to the wrong conclusion. Believe me when I say it would never be like that again. I won’t injure you, but yes, I believe a spanking now and again wouldn’t be out of place." He glanced in her direction. "Would you object greatly?"

  "I do not wish you to make me lie on that bench. Or shout at me."

  "Shout at you?"

  "In the past... you would often become irritated with me and at those times you would raise your voice. I do not like that. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I wish that you would not do it."

  Ged held her gaze and Jane shifted in the seat. Perhaps she had dared say too much. He was after all her husband, and entitled to be master in his home.

  "I must have missed that little snippet when I examined your thoughts just now. A serious oversight. I apologise, and you may be assured, there will be no shouting. Nor do you irritate me, Janey."

  "I do. I know that well enough. I am irritating you now."

  "Why do you think that?"

  "I see it, in the glint of your eyes as you look at me. Also in the set of your jaw, and your lips are thinner." Jane tilted her chin up, determined to make him understand. She had come this far and he had yet to storm off or reprimand her for her insolence. Perhaps this new Gerard would listen.

  "And this is an expression you've seen before, I assume?"

  "On many occasions, my lord. Most particularly in our bedchamber."

  "Ah."

  "I am aware that you do not find those visits especially pleasant, my lord, and that you would prefer to share your bed with Betsy. Or with another like her."

  "No, I fucking wouldn't."

  There was no mistaking the anger and frustration in his expression as he spat the words at her. Jane shrank back, aware she had overstepped the mark this time. It was not her place to challenge him in this manner.

  "Stop that. You know I won't harm you," he snapped as he tunneled his fingers through his hair.

  "You promised not to shout." Jane wished most fervently that she had never embarked upon this foolish course.

  Ged took several deep breaths and Jane appreciated his obvious attempt to keep his word to her. His temper under control he turned to face her once more, and this time a new and more serious expression glittered in the deep blue of his eyes.

  "Do you remember becoming betrothed to me, Jane?"

  She frowned back at him, caught off guard by this sudden change in tack. "No, my lord. I was but a baby."

  "You were two years old, I believe. I was just twelve."

  She nodded. That sounded about right.

  Ged continued. "So, for your entire life then, or as near as makes no difference, you have been mine."

  "Yes, my lord. But I do not see—"

  "You had no choice."

  "Neither did you."

  "Maybe not at the beginning, but as we grew older the power was all mine. I got to decide when we would actually marry, when you would come to Roseworth. When you would share my bed."

  "But, your father—"

  "He could never have made me do anything I didn't choose to do. There would have been bluster, lots of it, but in the end it would be my choice. Except it wasn't. Not really."

  "I do not understand."

  "You made your displeasure so obvious. You had no wish to marry me and you made that absolutely clear."

  "I was but a child. I did not wish to marry anyone. It was not just you."

  "I do know that, and as I grew older, became a man, I told that to myself. But the damage was done. I grew up believing you disliked me, that you found me repulsive."

  "I barely knew you."

  "I realise that too, but it made no difference to the way I felt. Then you threw yourself on the mercy of Richard, cloistered yourself within his household to avoid living with me. I was angry, and I could have demanded that you come to Roseworth at once but my p
ride was badly stung so I left you where you were for as long as I decently could. Even when I did bring you into my home, wife or not, I swore I wouldn't force myself on a woman who didn't want me."

  "I was confused, unhappy. I believed you did not desire me."

  Ged gave a bitter laugh. "Nothing could be further from the truth. I used to watch you, so beautiful, so graceful, so competent in the way you ran my household. You'd been well trained. You were perfect. But you were also aloof, distant, cold, just as you'd learned to be. I did eventually come to your chamber, I had to if there were to be heirs to Roseworth, but every time I fucked you I felt as though I was violating you, ruining that sweet perfection with my filthy presence and by inflicting my lustful demands on the purity of your body. But I was a pragmatist and I knew my duty, so yes, I would do what I had to, but then I couldn't get out of there fast enough. It had nothing to do with a lack of desire though."

  Jane stared at him, incredulous. She had never dreamed, never imagined he might feel this way. "Why... why did you not say?"

  He shrugged. "Pride, mostly. I thought you might pity me, and I couldn't have borne that. I was confused, too. I didn't understand my feelings and the reasons for them until much later, when I thought you were dead. By then it was too late to undo the damage, and try again."

  Long moments passed as Jane digested the import of his words. Her marriage, everything she had thought she knew about the shallowness of their relationship, was turned on its head. Nothing was as she had supposed.

  She was the first to break the silence. "I was not always afraid. When I was very small and believed my marriage to be in the distant future, I was content enough. But suddenly it was all happening so fast and I was not ready. I was but twelve years old and I was trapped, terrified. Lady Anne was kind to me. I… I never considered your feelings. I am sorry."

  "It wasn't your fault, none of it. And not really mine, either. It was simply how it was back then, we—neither of us—had any real choice in what we did, but the how of it could have been different. Our parents have a lot to answer for."

  "They did as they believed right."

  "Did they? My father was driven by avarice as much as anything else. He wanted your dowry."

  "He was in need of coin—"

  Ged snorted. "No, he wasn't. We would have got by well enough. He was greedy and not prepared to wait."

  "I see. I do believe that had he not come to Haveringham when he did and demanded that the marriage take place immediately, then I might have been less reluctant when the time did eventually come. I would have been older, more ready. More... enthusiastic."

  His smile was sad. "I would have dearly liked to see that, Janey."

  "You shall. If you still desire it, of course." She paused, selecting her next words with care. "For reasons I cannot fathom it turns out that I am not dead. Neither are you. We have an opportunity, now, to do as you say you would have wished. We are both of an age now to know what we want. Perhaps you are right and we can attempt to undo the damage and try again."

  "Janey, do you even start to appreciate what that would mean? You know the sort of man I am, and more important, what I've become."

  "A vampire? Yes, I do know that."

  "A vampire who likes to tie women up, whip them, spank them, fuck them."

  "I am aware of all of this, and I have said, I am not unwilling to... explore. Is that the correct term, my lord?"

  He grinned at her, his expression wicked. His fangs were visible as he smiled, but Jane found that less daunting now.

  "Fuck, yes." Ged cocked his head to one side. "So, am I to understand you want to start with a spanking?"

  "I believe that might be nice. But I do not wish to go near that horrible bench, and you may not use that cane you intended to beat me with before."

  "You catch on fast, Janey. Setting your hard limits already. Over my lap then. And no cane. Would that be to your liking?"

  She did not entirely understand his words, but the gist of it sounded acceptable enough. "Yes, my lord. I do believe that it would."

  He muttered something under his breath. She thought it sounded like 'brat', but she could not be certain.

  *****

  At first Jane was overwhelmed by the brash glitter and glamour of the place he called a shopping centre. It was a huge structure, bigger than any she had ever been in before, and seemed to be constructed almost entirely of glass. Music played, though she could detect no musicians, and despite the cold outside the interior was warm, like a spring day. Ged encouraged her to take off the heavy over-garment she wore and took her hand as they strolled among the sparkling stalls.

  This was not like any market she had ever encountered. Goods were laid out for anyone to take up and she could not understand why the people she saw browsing the displays did not simply help themselves.

  "Are there not thieves here? There are no shopkeepers," she breathed as she lifted a length of fine green silk dangling from a stall.

  "There's plenty of security," came the response. "Guards," he added, at her puzzled expression. "There are people watching, but we can't see them. Do you want that scarf?"

  "Oh, no, it was just such a beautiful colour."

  "It'll suit you." He took it from her and handed the fabric to a young man who seemed to appear from within the stall somewhere. "We'll take that, please."

  The transaction was concluded without any coin changing hands, though both Ged and the stall holder appeared perfectly satisfied. He led her by the hand along the avenue which led further into this magical domain, the scarf in a brightly coloured bag which dangled from his other wrist.

  "You need some clothes. I know just the place."

  "We could purchase fabrics and I might be able to fashion garments similar to those I see around us..." Jane peered from side to side, studying the attire of those who passed, especially the women. She saw skirts in every length, many wore trousers too, or a type of tight fitting hose which she was accustomed to seeing on the men of her time.

  "If you want to make your own clothes in the future you can. For now, we'll buy off the peg. In here..."

  Jane had no idea what he meant by 'off the peg', but followed dutifully as he led her into one of the enclosures he referred to as a shop. All around she saw rails upon which hung beautiful garments in every colour imaginable.

  "See anything that takes your fancy?"

  Jane shook her head. "I have no notion..."

  "I do. Hold this." He thrust the scarf back into her hands while he grabbed a metal basket from a stack close to the door. "We'll pick out a few things, then find a fitting room." He eyed her critically, in manner which made Jane squirm, though not in discomfort. Quite the reverse, her stomach clenched as did another part of her anatomy a little lower. "A size twelve, I'm guessing." He raised his gaze to her breasts. "We'll need to get you measured for a bra though. I'm betting on a B cup."

  His words were incomprehensible to Jane, but she merely smiled and let him get on with selecting items from the racks to pile into the basket. The twenty-first century was a weird and wonderful time, without doubt, but she believed she might come to like shopping.

  *****

  "Are you hungry?" Ged enquired when at last they sat on an ornate seat to rest. They were surrounded by pretty bags made from a substance called plastic. It came in every shade and hue and was far stronger than it first appeared. Contained within the bags were more garments than Jane had ever owned in her life, all brand new, all ready to wear. The clothes she had borrowed from Ged were also in one of the bags, rolled into a ball and stuffed out of sight when he had casually informed one of the stall holders they met on this most amazing expedition that his wife would wear her purchases immediately. Thus she now found herself wearing a pair of soft black hose, though Ged insisted they should be called leggings, and a thigh-length tunic made of a drapey fabric in various shades of green. Ged had taught her how to tie the scarf they purchased on their arrival in this wonderful place around
her neck, then showed her her reflection in the glass which seem to be everywhere. She had to agree the combination was very attractive, though she still considered the fashion not entirely decent.

  "I am hungry, yes. Do you suppose we might find a hostelry of some sort? Do such places still exist?"

  "They do, though we call them restaurants. Come on, I know a place you'll like."

  A few minutes later they entered a shop where there were no goods on display. Rather, tables were set out in neat rows, and here and there people sat to eat. Ged informed the smiling young woman who greeted them at the entrance that they required a table for two, and soon they were facing each other across a small expanse of glossy red upon which were arranged a number of objects which Jane had to assume were associated with twenty-first century eating. She no longer asked Ged about everything she saw, preferring to watch those around her and learn that way. The young woman who showed them to their seats presented each of them with a gaudy book containing pictures of platters with all manner of food upon them. There was writing also, though Jane had never learnt more of her letters than might be required to scribe her own name or add a column of figures. She looked to Ged for guidance.

  "We'll have a deep pan meat feast," he declared, "and two Diet Pepsi's."

  *****

  "That was a wonderful meal. Thank you." Jane leaned back to consider her empty plate. "Are you not eating anything?"

  Ged shook his head. "I... ate earlier. While you were still asleep.”

  "But you really should. This pizza is truly delicious."

  "I'm sure, but no. Are you ready to leave?"

  "You wish to return to Roseworth?"

  "Yes, when you've finished eating. And if there are no more items you'd like to buy. It's almost ten o'clock so the shops here will be closing soon."

  "No, nothing. You have been most generous already with your coin."